#Nofap Hardmode!!

I am gonna do hardmode now.

I am so pissed at myself.

I don’t really care about the benefits now.

I just wanna stop jerking off, because it’s fucking my dopamine d2 receptors, and I am feeling like shit.

This is my last hope.

I am planning to pursue nofap, hardmode for 6 months straight.

No fucking edging.

If this doesn’t work out, nothing will.

THIS IS MY LAST FUCKING CHANCE!!

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Day 1 (04/04/14) - I was busy in the college in the morning, and when I came home, I was too tired to do anything, now I am going to the gym, so this nofap thing is on. I am not going to give up this time. Although I did a terrible thing today, I said some horrible things about a girl, objectified her, made some crack about her boobs. I even said hurtful things about her. I shouldn’t have done that, I shouldn’t have done that. I started this week by saying that she looks like a Goddess and now I’ve said some terrible things about her. I will be nice to her from this day forth, but not in a creepy way.

#NoFap challenge!

Day 1 - easy

Day 2 - easy

Day 3 - not very easy

Day 4 - Nazanin Boniadi is trying to mess up with this challenge, but I ain’t gonna lose it. She has to come to me if she wants it.

Day 5 - Not much trouble today. Morning was slightly tough, but then I slept, and in the evening, I went for a walk and after that it’s been a cakewalk.

Day 6 - Today wasn’t that easy, at one point I was highly aroused (thanks to Anne Dudek), plus I am finding Sadie Robertson very sexy, especially her legs.

Day 7 - Heard that this porn and fap detox would have a phase where my dick is going to sit there lifeless, called flatline. I am scared now, but I am going to do it anyways. Not feeling super horny today, but more social and confident.

Day 8 - Easier than before, but I got aroused seeing two women. One at the event I attended, she was super hot. And second while travelling in a metro. She was standing there, me and my friend checked her out. Now normally, I don’t want women to find out that I am checking them out (kinda creepy), but this time I stood right by her side (at a distance) and hinted my friend to come, the reason was that out stop was next. I glanced her and she glanced me back, but we didn’t make eye-contact. Detox isn’t complete yet! I like women. :) They are beautiful. :)

Day 9 - Wrote a 1500 word blog post for my tech blog, without any trouble. Was motivated to do something productive throughout the day. Did a 35 minute walk in the evening. Later in the night, I went out with brother to enjoy chicken shwarmas. It was great! Talked to him about hitting on women and stuff like that. Was confident the whole. Not need to fap again in my life. :)

Day 10 - So I have this function I have to attend on Monday, but I didn’t have an outfit, so I went shopping. Bought a blazer that wasn’t fitted, it was slightly tight, but I said ‘what the heck’ I look great in fitted clothes. Bought 42-inch waist jeans, slim-fit. Dad was furious that I have wasted money on the blazer, as it doesn’t it, and I was like ‘it will.’ Probably not on the Monday event, but for Feb 8 wedding of my cousin. No urge to fap, though I did get aroused by sexy dancers on TV.

Day 11 - The toughest day till now. No urge to fap throughout the day, got some work done. But then I saw a really hot photo on Facebook and everything came back, trying to fight that till now. I could’ve jerked off like 5 times to that pic, but no, ‘the only orgasm that I’m gonna have is from a woman.’ Period. I touched the tip of my penis for the first time today, just to make sure my sperm hasn’t come out. I also rubbed my dick against some surface. No more edging in the future. #NoFap rules!

Day 12 - Hahaha! The urge to jerk off comes when you start giving in to the fantasies of sex, when you stop thinking, the urges go. During #NoFap, any sort of artificial sexual stimulation is barred. I went to a social event, and yes, for the first time I was dressed for the occasion. Felt awesome! Really awesome! I think a girl checked me, from top to bottom. Yeah! ;) I found her sexy too, but I didn’t approach her because it was a family function and she probably looked too old for me. XD Just kidding. ;) I got to work on my approaching skills.

Day 13 - Didn’t have many urges today. Got some work done. Did a walk in the morning, yeah, just woke up and went for a walk in the midst of freshest air. Got horny about chick in a daily Indian soap, but it was gone within 60 minutes, after which I took a nap, a looooong nap.

Day 14 - First day of college today. Felt confident the whole time, but was feeling kinda cold, obviously not because of #NoFap. Talked to women with shit like ease and did what I had to do, no questions asked. It’s time to face the world like a man!

Day 15 - I want to talk to all the girls I meet. I am sounding more confident and am able to interact with people in a much better way. #NoFap is gooooood! No urges, although, I seriously love Anushka Sharma. She’s very pretty!

Day 16 - Normal college day. Was attentive in the class, probably because the topics were easier than complex mathematics. Anxiety is down a lot and I think I am coming across pretty confident. Watched a movie and did get an erection twice or thrice, I know that’s against rules of #NoFap. I’ll do better. No PMO though.

Day 17 - Confident as shit in the college. Was brave enough to look everyone in the eye. Especially women. ;) Had a lot of fun today, the workshop was pretty awesome. We nailed it! Got a mild erection when a female colleague came pretty close to me. But I acted normal, not uncomfortable with it at all. Although I did adjust myself and brought a distance in-between later.

Day 18 - Testosterone outburst. It feels like I am the king of the world. Did 21 half pushups, muscles are getting firmer and I loving it. Did get that euphoric feeling, ran without supports and now my balls hurt. Got to get some sleep. Haha! They’ll be fine by tomorrow though.

Day 19 - Improved concentration. I am avoiding that female colleague at college. I think of myself as a steal, a precious boyfriend, I give the attempt to be my girlfriend to a selected few. ;)

Day 20 - Today was a day of aggression. I am getting stronger and angrier. I feel confident and I think I can take anybody down. People make fun of me sometimes, because I am fat, but they won’t anymore, I won’t be afraid to trash talk back and if it gets ugly, so be it! Fuck you, you motherfucking bullies, you filthy scumbags. Sleep patterns have improved a lot too.

Day 21 - I was confident today as well, but my thinking was a bit clouded. I watched the explicit scenes from the wolf of the wallstreet again and got an erection, the actress in the movie is fucking hot, but no masturbation. I am finding a nice woman to hit on but I am still not sure what I’ll be doing once i get a girlfriend. I am far more attentive in my college classes though.

Day 22 - Not a very good day today. After losing a snooker match, my head started hurting like it did before I started nofap and I thought that the effect is getting over. Also, I can’t feel hard in the arms like I did a few days ago. I am feeling lethargic, I need some sleep. Slight porn today, not redtube or anything, but the wolf of the wallstreet. No masturbation though.

Day 23 - Went to an indiblogger meet at the oberoi. Had lots of fun socializing with friends. Got a little drunk, but it was awesome! hahaha Did feel a little nervous, but overcame the nervousness pretty easily. Didn’t talk to any girl while being drunk because I don’t need liquid courage.

Day 24 - Normal day. Nothing much happened today.

Day 25 - Back to normal. No PMO, still back to normal. I am feeling shit about myself again and eating food like a pig. I wanna sleep and recharge my batteries. Tomorrow is a next day, I hope my head gets clear.

Day 26 - Was feeling lethargic the whole day. Wasn’t confident with women, was feeling nervous the whole time. Anti-social. I didn’t PMO still the old things came to me. Was feeling pissed the whole time, lost a snooker match too. In the evening, I went on a walk, took a nap and now I am feeling better.

Day 27 - Back to the clouded thinking, no PMO though. I am feeling like I should masturbate and release the energy, no porn though. Not gonna do it, ‘the only orgasm that I am gonna experience would be through a woman.’ I am finding women sexier than ever, plus I am bagging their attention. Liking it. ;)

Day 28,29,30 - I have been in a bad mood for some time now, and since weekend is here, I am feeling a lot better. Several things happened on day 28,29,30. First up, I got pissed with a friend, he’s not the kind of person I wanna hang out with anymore, he’s a drag, so I ended things. I had been going to pool a lot lately, so I decided to not play anymore, waste of time, waste of money. I am seriously pissed with one of my prof, when she teaches, my blood boils, because she’s very controlling. I really hate people with bossy/controlling nature. There’s a girl in my class, she’s got an amazing ass, once I saw her in an Indian dress, and she blew my away. She’s got a smoking hot ass! Seriously, I’d kiss her ass before I kiss her lips. I know this is a little lusty, but I serious wanna get to know her better and probably get into a relationship. She’s nice. ;) The only problem is that she’s probably dating somebody, and this could create some tension between me and that guy. I have to think whether I wanna get into a fight over a girl.

Day 35 - RELAPSE

Signals and Systems test tomorrow

I have figured out that I won’t be able to do whole 4 units and get great marks on my test, so I have decided to focus only on first 4 chapters, they are important because they can get me 50 marks on 75, but the problem is, I am unable to study and I am feeling burnt. It’s like I am beginning to feel tired. On the other hand, I am certain of the face that if I’m able to utilize these last 3.5 hours, I’ll score good marks on the test tomorrow. Let’s get going!

End term exam prep week begins!

End term practicals are over and now it’s time to get revising done for end sem exams. This is my last chance, I need 40+ marks in all subjects to score a pass and I need it badly. Yes, there are distractions all around, but so what? Let’s begin with charting out a plan for each and then, begin!

I will never learn to write proper english

I think, I can write proper english; without grammatical errors and all, but aaj bhi jab main kuch english blogs padhta toh I feel like, yaar ye kya bolna chahte. They write pretty complex english. I think blogs are to be spread ideas and not to flaunt your writing skills, am I right? Yaar main toh logon se connect karna chahta hoon through my blogs, not just with the elite but also with those guys who can understand and write pretty decent english. Also, since mera koi plan nahi hai to pursue professional journalism, isliye apun toh sirf normal desi english mein hi likhega, bhai! (ajaz style)

Practicals toh nikal jayenge, I think! But endsem ka kya?

DS ka practical toh sahi nikal gaya, I mean invigilator ke saamne sab heap sort ka question copy kar rahe the…hahaha! Practical ke questions were pretty easy, but mujhe kuch aata hi nahi so…lag gyi. Hopefully number sahi mil jayenge…baki paas ho jaunga, so no problem. Practicals mein zyada tension nahi hoti because sheet toh fill ho hi jaati hai by copying and viva toh hamesha se hi bhagwan bharose. Endsem mein phategi..is baar 6 ke 6 papers mein kuch nahi aata..lage lode!

Update: http://rakeshnarang.tumblr.com/post/21991720348/5-ways-with-which-i-am-gonna-keep-my-heart-healthy

Check out this post I wrote about a year ago: http://rakeshnarang.tumblr.com/post/21991720348/5-ways-with-which-i-am-gonna-keep-my-heart-healthy

1) I started smoking

2) I do walk for 30+ minutes, at least 4 times a week

3) Left junk food for about 8 months and then got back to it, my clothes expanded, now they are shrinking again. Fuck!

4) My weight is rising

5) Still no signs of BP, Diabetes and Cholestrol. Though my doc said I could be pre-diabetic!

I am facing sleep troubles again. But I am getting addicted to hookah and smoking. Fuck!

Kal toh lagne wali hai boss!

Tomorrow is my data structures practical, this is the external practical, I would have to perform the practical on my own and answer viva questions.

I haven’t studied anything, the vicious circle is catching me up.

Let’s see what happens! File bhi meri 2 din pehle hi check hui hai and meri teacher ne uspe marks laga diye hai.

Kal request karunga ki mam please mere marks sahi lagwa dena. Hope she’ll listen to me! jee huzuri toh karni padti hai hum jaise students ko.

Abhi I’ll just go through algorithms of various sorts and operations, viva bus sahi se nikal jaye and if algorithms clear honge toh pass bhi ho jaunga.

I really wanna watch the social network again, aaj lagata hoon download pe (piracy sucks! but no credit card).

An Engineering Student, part time Tech Blogger, Avid Gamer, love music esp. from Linkin` Park, like watching Movies with a Message.

twitter.com/Rakesh_Narang

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