Everything’s back to shit again!

After getting by fucked in the semester results, I decided to change things, I decided to start studying early on, the way I used to study when I was a recluse, when the social life didn’t exist for me and the only thing I wanted was to become super successful and bang my crush.

For a few days in the beginning, everything was ok, I was studying and I was deriving pleasure from it, but then I jerked off. Yeah, I was holding it back after results. And after that happened, all the motivation was gone, and I slept at the time I had schedule for study and right now also, I was just watch some porn and masturbate. But I am not gonna do it. This has become a habit!!

In the past, I have tried to ignore women, hate them, so as not to get my dick hard at the sight of their naked parts, but that doesn’t work. When I see some hottie on Facebook, my dick gets hard and then I have to jerk off. That’s fucking irritating.

Yesterday, I went to hangout with school friends, I hated every bit of it. Right now, I don’t want to talk to anybody in the world. I want to just focus on myself. And no jerking off. I wanna concentrate energy inside.

So, everything’s back to shit, and now I have to take some actions to jump back to my schedule, because giving up is not the fucking solution. Plus, my weight is not decreasing!! fuck fuck fuck.

Lied at home about my 4th sem result

I lied at home that I got 67% in 4th and cleared all subjects. I thought about this for a few hours and then came to this decision.

The thing is… even if I had said that I had flunked, I had a genuine for it, and my parents know about it. They would have understood. But the thing, first of all, my dad would have over-reacted, he’s like that only. He is a man with a lot of pride and he can’t accept failure, neither for himself, nor for his family. So he would have totally flipped out.

My mum on other hand would go into sort of a depressive mood. She’s already suffering from diabetes and I fear for her health. She has been taking a lot of stress lately and this news wasn’t worth it.

Apart from that, I know that I will clear this software engineering paper in the 6th sem, like a boss!

I have told my brother though, he’ll be coming to Delhi for Raksha bandhan and Independence day, dekho tab kya kehta hai, abhi toh he has sided with my on not telling anyone.

I have handled myself pretty well, I have actually started to make changes and with a stable mind. I have also started to meditate, and I used to meditate during my exams as well.

I don’t know, I may be a loser, in fact, as per stats, I am a big time loser. But in order to lose that tag and become something in life, I have to word hard, like really hard.

I feel very bad about not telling my mum, because I share everything with her. She’s like a friend to me. But, I don’t want her to feel that her son is a failure.

After my dad heard that I have got a near 70 percentage, he was pretty thrilled, he was like — chalo itne toh le aaya. And he brought cake to celebrate. I told him ki itne acche marks nahi aaye hai, so please don’t bring anything, but he couldn’t resist. He want to treat me. I ate the whole thing, but was feeling shame inside the whole time.

I have nothing to prove to anybody, fail ho gaya toh ho gaya, kisi ko farak nahi padta hai, except for family. Is baar sirf bolna nahi, kuch kar ke dikhana padega. Izzat pe aan padi hai.

Got a backlog in the 4th semester of engineering

I am having a depressive mood right now. The result came today and I got a backlog in software engineering.

I was 14 marks short of minimum passing marks.

I would have to give this paper again, in the 6th semester.

I don’t know what to think.

I haven’t told my mum and dad. My dad’s gonna over-react, and my mum’s gonna be like… I don’t know what her reaction will be. But I know that I will clear it 6th sem, so I am telling them.

As far as placements are concerned, if I clear the backlog at the time of placements, it won’t matter.

Now I should not take exams lightly, screw social life, I have to get marks in the internal as well as external exams.

It’s a matter of my pride and this semester, I WILL TOP MY BRANCH.

Fixing my Panda hit site

So the plan goes like this.

-identify issues

-fix them

#h result of research (“causes of panda penalty”)

#h Thin content indicators

  • Does this page provide unique information or insights on a product?
  • Could this page be combined with other very similar pages?
  • Do people spend much time on this page when the visit it?

#c content that has less than 300 words could be considered low quality

#h to find low word pages

#c use screaming frog. sort by word count.

#h finding duplicate titles

#c use screaming frog. sort by occurrences. change titles.

#h over optimization triggers panda

#c excess keyword use. keyword stuffed titles. overuse of keyword internal linking.

#h how to recover

#c write quality content. remove low quality content.

#r characteristics of a good blog post

#c high ads-to-content ratio

#c to avoid high bounce rates and pogo sticking rates, serve the user what he came searching for, satisfy him

#c no confusion. no thin content. best usability. no deception.

#h keyword hoarding

#c one page shouldn’t rank of a lot of keywords.

#r ux optimization https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2CbbBLVaPk

#c content should target more than just head terms. build content that naturally targets thousands of keywords.

#c do site audit fast

#c Review the keywords and keyword categories driving traffic to pages. find interesting trends with how Google is
matching queries with content on your site.

#h implementation of abr, leads to reduced bounce rates
http://searchenginewatch.com/article/2322974/How-to-Implement-Adjusted-Bounce-Rate-ABR-via-Google-Tag-
Manager-Tutorial

#c site should not be like a content farm

#c check for keyword densite, it shouldn’t be more than 1%

#h remove all broken, duplicate links

#h build topical authority site

What qualifies as a friend?

- someone you can enjoy talking to on a regular basis

- someone you can trust

- someone you can turn to when you need help with a problem

- someone who doesn’t judge you

- someone who can forgive you for your past, and love you for today

- someone you can confide in with your deepest thoughts, worries, dreams etc.

sahil 000100

udit 001000

abhishek 111111 winner

keshav 110111

rowdy na

nikhil 111111 winner

kapil 111111 winner

How to study for an approaching exam!!

1. Keep calm — keep calm, kanna keep calm, don’t watch pepsi ipl on star sports.com, subah se le ke shaam, kanna keep calm, don’t watch pepsi on star sports.com

2. select the material that needs to be covered, get an overview of what needs to be done

3. make a plan and list out the time that each topic requires, cover everything quickly first and then go to each topic in detail

4. experiment with study techniques that work for you

5. write things down, write important derivations, formula, the more you write, the better you’ll remember

6. determine the resources from which you are gonna study first hand, don’t do one topic for 10 books

7. if some topic is troublesome, ask for help

8. memorize as much as possible, some things needs mugging

9. study at the same time each day and study each day, find short study periods

10. if you are motivated by rewards, schedule some

11. night before the test, get your basics right, don’t forger hall ticket, don’t forget stuff you are gonna need and get at least some sleep

12. eat brain food like fresh fruits etc. don’t have too much coffee

13. wake early on the day of the exam, get your things in order, reach the hall at least an hour early and revise from notes

— remember, drop a gigantic deuce if you take exam in the morning

Less than 30 days left for the end term exams!!

My fourth semester is fast approaching and now I have less than 30 days to prepare for the exams.

IP university exams are not tough, it’s fairly easy to score marks, heck! you can pass just by studying night before the exam. Just attempt the entire paper and trust that the invigilator will give you marks for attempting. This has happened to me many a times in the past.

In this semester, I will focus everything I got to studying and giving my exams like a BOSS!! I am not really concerned about the percentage I get. Scoring great percentage is the least thing that I am concerned about. I am actually against judging people by the marks they score. I believe if you can do something somebody requires, you’re good to go.

So why this goal?

I want to prove myself that I am capable of doing hard work and doing something that’s tough for me. Studying is tough for me, I have got this mental block, because of which I find studying for exams, and stuff like that really, really boring!! I am fed up of it actually. I like science and I like technology, but the way it’s taught is something that makes me wanna puke.

So, by studying for the end sem, I am gonna prove myself that I still can study for the exams and second thing is that the knowledge of semi-conductors and electronics will help me discover and work on a good technical project in my summer vacation. I am not gonna build a fucking robot or something that already exists. I am gonna develop something from scratch and learn more things.

Well that’s the plan!!

I’ll just rely on the secret ingredient and hope that the aggression is channelized properly.

In this time, I will have to avoid doing re-recreational things, of all FUCKING sorts.

#NoFap challenge!

Day 1 - easy

Day 2 - easy

Day 3 - not very easy

Day 4 - Nazanin Boniadi is trying to mess up with this challenge, but I ain’t gonna lose it. She has to come to me if she wants it.

Day 5 - Not much trouble today. Morning was slightly tough, but then I slept, and in the evening, I went for a walk and after that it’s been a cakewalk.

Day 6 - Today wasn’t that easy, at one point I was highly aroused (thanks to Anne Dudek), plus I am finding Sadie Robertson very sexy, especially her legs.

Day 7 - Heard that this porn and fap detox would have a phase where my dick is going to sit there lifeless, called flatline. I am scared now, but I am going to do it anyways. Not feeling super horny today, but more social and confident.

Day 8 - Easier than before, but I got aroused seeing two women. One at the event I attended, she was super hot. And second while travelling in a metro. She was standing there, me and my friend checked her out. Now normally, I don’t want women to find out that I am checking them out (kinda creepy), but this time I stood right by her side (at a distance) and hinted my friend to come, the reason was that out stop was next. I glanced her and she glanced me back, but we didn’t make eye-contact. Detox isn’t complete yet! I like women. :) They are beautiful. :)

Day 9 - Wrote a 1500 word blog post for my tech blog, without any trouble. Was motivated to do something productive throughout the day. Did a 35 minute walk in the evening. Later in the night, I went out with brother to enjoy chicken shwarmas. It was great! Talked to him about hitting on women and stuff like that. Was confident the whole. Not need to fap again in my life. :)

Day 10 - So I have this function I have to attend on Monday, but I didn’t have an outfit, so I went shopping. Bought a blazer that wasn’t fitted, it was slightly tight, but I said ‘what the heck’ I look great in fitted clothes. Bought 42-inch waist jeans, slim-fit. Dad was furious that I have wasted money on the blazer, as it doesn’t it, and I was like ‘it will.’ Probably not on the Monday event, but for Feb 8 wedding of my cousin. No urge to fap, though I did get aroused by sexy dancers on TV.

Day 11 - The toughest day till now. No urge to fap throughout the day, got some work done. But then I saw a really hot photo on Facebook and everything came back, trying to fight that till now. I could’ve jerked off like 5 times to that pic, but no, ‘the only orgasm that I’m gonna have is from a woman.’ Period. I touched the tip of my penis for the first time today, just to make sure my sperm hasn’t come out. I also rubbed my dick against some surface. No more edging in the future. #NoFap rules!

Day 12 - Hahaha! The urge to jerk off comes when you start giving in to the fantasies of sex, when you stop thinking, the urges go. During #NoFap, any sort of artificial sexual stimulation is barred. I went to a social event, and yes, for the first time I was dressed for the occasion. Felt awesome! Really awesome! I think a girl checked me, from top to bottom. Yeah! ;) I found her sexy too, but I didn’t approach her because it was a family function and she probably looked too old for me. XD Just kidding. ;) I got to work on my approaching skills.

Day 13 - Didn’t have many urges today. Got some work done. Did a walk in the morning, yeah, just woke up and went for a walk in the midst of freshest air. Got horny about chick in a daily Indian soap, but it was gone within 60 minutes, after which I took a nap, a looooong nap.

Day 14 - First day of college today. Felt confident the whole time, but was feeling kinda cold, obviously not because of #NoFap. Talked to women with shit like ease and did what I had to do, no questions asked. It’s time to face the world like a man!

Day 15 - I want to talk to all the girls I meet. I am sounding more confident and am able to interact with people in a much better way. #NoFap is gooooood! No urges, although, I seriously love Anushka Sharma. She’s very pretty!

Day 16 - Normal college day. Was attentive in the class, probably because the topics were easier than complex mathematics. Anxiety is down a lot and I think I am coming across pretty confident. Watched a movie and did get an erection twice or thrice, I know that’s against rules of #NoFap. I’ll do better. No PMO though.

Day 17 - Confident as shit in the college. Was brave enough to look everyone in the eye. Especially women. ;) Had a lot of fun today, the workshop was pretty awesome. We nailed it! Got a mild erection when a female colleague came pretty close to me. But I acted normal, not uncomfortable with it at all. Although I did adjust myself and brought a distance in-between later.

Day 18 - Testosterone outburst. It feels like I am the king of the world. Did 21 half pushups, muscles are getting firmer and I loving it. Did get that euphoric feeling, ran without supports and now my balls hurt. Got to get some sleep. Haha! They’ll be fine by tomorrow though.

Day 19 - Improved concentration. I am avoiding that female colleague at college. I think of myself as a steal, a precious boyfriend, I give the attempt to be my girlfriend to a selected few. ;)

Day 20 - Today was a day of aggression. I am getting stronger and angrier. I feel confident and I think I can take anybody down. People make fun of me sometimes, because I am fat, but they won’t anymore, I won’t be afraid to trash talk back and if it gets ugly, so be it! Fuck you, you motherfucking bullies, you filthy scumbags. Sleep patterns have improved a lot too.

Day 21 - I was confident today as well, but my thinking was a bit clouded. I watched the explicit scenes from the wolf of the wallstreet again and got an erection, the actress in the movie is fucking hot, but no masturbation. I am finding a nice woman to hit on but I am still not sure what I’ll be doing once i get a girlfriend. I am far more attentive in my college classes though.

Day 22 - Not a very good day today. After losing a snooker match, my head started hurting like it did before I started nofap and I thought that the effect is getting over. Also, I can’t feel hard in the arms like I did a few days ago. I am feeling lethargic, I need some sleep. Slight porn today, not redtube or anything, but the wolf of the wallstreet. No masturbation though.

Day 23 - Went to an indiblogger meet at the oberoi. Had lots of fun socializing with friends. Got a little drunk, but it was awesome! hahaha Did feel a little nervous, but overcame the nervousness pretty easily. Didn’t talk to any girl while being drunk because I don’t need liquid courage.

Day 24 - Normal day. Nothing much happened today.

Day 25 - Back to normal. No PMO, still back to normal. I am feeling shit about myself again and eating food like a pig. I wanna sleep and recharge my batteries. Tomorrow is a next day, I hope my head gets clear.

Day 26 - Was feeling lethargic the whole day. Wasn’t confident with women, was feeling nervous the whole time. Anti-social. I didn’t PMO still the old things came to me. Was feeling pissed the whole time, lost a snooker match too. In the evening, I went on a walk, took a nap and now I am feeling better.

Day 27 - Back to the clouded thinking, no PMO though. I am feeling like I should masturbate and release the energy, no porn though. Not gonna do it, ‘the only orgasm that I am gonna experience would be through a woman.’ I am finding women sexier than ever, plus I am bagging their attention. Liking it. ;)

Day 28,29,30 - I have been in a bad mood for some time now, and since weekend is here, I am feeling a lot better. Several things happened on day 28,29,30. First up, I got pissed with a friend, he’s not the kind of person I wanna hang out with anymore, he’s a drag, so I ended things. I had been going to pool a lot lately, so I decided to not play anymore, waste of time, waste of money. I am seriously pissed with one of my prof, when she teaches, my blood boils, because she’s very controlling. I really hate people with bossy/controlling nature. There’s a girl in my class, she’s got an amazing ass, once I saw her in an Indian dress, and she blew my away. She’s got a smoking hot ass! Seriously, I’d kiss her ass before I kiss her lips. I know this is a little lusty, but I serious wanna get to know her better and probably get into a relationship. She’s nice. ;) The only problem is that she’s probably dating somebody, and this could create some tension between me and that guy. I have to think whether I wanna get into a fight over a girl.

Day 35 - RELAPSE

Signals and Systems test tomorrow

I have figured out that I won’t be able to do whole 4 units and get great marks on my test, so I have decided to focus only on first 4 chapters, they are important because they can get me 50 marks on 75, but the problem is, I am unable to study and I am feeling burnt. It’s like I am beginning to feel tired. On the other hand, I am certain of the face that if I’m able to utilize these last 3.5 hours, I’ll score good marks on the test tomorrow. Let’s get going!

An Engineering Student, part time Tech Blogger, Avid Gamer, love music esp. from Linkin` Park, like watching Movies with a Message.

twitter.com/Rakesh_Narang

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